During the course of extensive reading I have become aware that many people apply inaccurate personal descriptive words. As a benefit to society I would like to share a few of my own updated definitions from the forthcoming book Jennings, Pete (2017) Why I am right. (Published in a hardback firm enough to hit people over the head with.)
Plucky: term used to describe a person too thick to know when they are beaten. He faces unbeatable odds whilst his comrades run and hide. When taken for execution he sticks tongue out and blows raspberry just before the axe falls. Plucky should not be confused with Lucky: in that case the axeman executioner would miss and chop his own foot off, and the chap would escape in the confusion.
Adventurous: a person who when it is suggested that they have sex with a tiger asks ‘what could possibly go wrong?’
Humorous: the quality of seeing the lighter side of any situation, including death, zombie apocalypse and visiting Basildon.
Gregarious: the tendency of someone to be obnoxiously cheerful and friendly to all and sundry, regardless of their situation or character. He would have probably made friends with Hitler if only he could have got into the bunker, but wasted too much time trying out ‘knock -knock’ jokes with the guards.
Knowledgeable: the quality of being a smart arse without reference to Google or Wikipedia. Can lecture for hours (and does) on obscure subjects of no interest to the majority of people (the history of cornflakes for example) but completely devoid of any practical advice such as how to mend a car, hide a body or invade Poland.
Reclusive: pathologically allergic to fresh air, sunshine, people and modern life. Their best friend is a library. When they die they will not be discovered until their corpse has been half eaten by their cats. Also see Normal.
Eccentric: people who are not normal like me. They listen to boring crap bands, wear bland clothes and watch rubbish TV programmes. Also see When I become Supreme World Dictator.
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